My Freedom Journey
When I first started, I thought that all I needed to do was to hang out in the rooms of recovery and things would naturally get better. I had this idea that if I could just learn how to manage my addiction and not let it control me anymore, my life would get back to what I considered as normal.
I never considered the possibility that the problem behind my addiction was within me.
The thought that my destructive addictive behaviors were actually symptoms of my attempt to feel better about myself was hard to accept at first. Eventually I came to see I had a very painful feeling deep in my gut that constantly reminded me that I was not worthy of anything good in life. And, this sickening feeling always had a way of expressing itself in some painful ways.
When There is Nothing Left
I started my recovery journey from addiction 35 years ago. At that time my life was in complete shambles and I had destroyed every meaningful relationship I had. I was a total mess and the odds of me making it another day were stacked against me. I had finally hit the bottom and there wasn’t much left of me at this point.
At first, I thought I could do this inner healing work, but then the thought of needing to change myself became very uncomfortable, and who would I be if I changed?
The belief that I didn’t deserve anything good in my life started to run wild in my head. On top of that these thoughts of not being good enough, just made the fear of relapsing that much more real.
Eventually I was able to control my cravings while also managing my addictive behaviors. I thought I was doing pretty good, even if I wasn’t truly free of my addiction.
I watched a lot of people over the years come and go. Some went back to prison, others committed suicide, overdosed, lost their families, or went back to the hell of active addiction.
As much as I wanted my life to be better, this recovery stuff wasn’t turning out to be what I had hoped for.
In time I started to learn that the traumatic painful events of my earlier years had a greater impact on me than I realized. These painful memories had an influence on every aspect of my life, especially my emotional well-being.
I was now on a path of learning how much the emotional, spiritual, and physical traumas of my past had become the walls of my own personal hell and my addiction was my way of dealing with it. The worst thing was I had no idea on how to get out of it.
On the advice of a friend, I decided to see a therapist to see if they could help me. I also started reading self-help books like crazy. Even with doing all this I still felt stuck deep inside my gut.
Instead of actually healing from the traumatic events of the past I was learning how to suppress my emotions and manage them while putting on a happy face for the world.
The pain of my past was suffocating me and the crazy thing was I thought this was how it had to be. I had tried so many things but I was never able to get free from the painful feelings of my past. I knew this emotional pain was at the core and I was getting tired of this inner battle that raged on and on, and I felt completely helpless with it all.
Then something completely unexpected happened and the pain of my past came rushing back into my life, and this almost drove me back to my addiction.
I was out with my wife, when in one quick moment I found myself in a confrontation with a couple of other individuals. As things got tense because of things they were saying I found myself suddenly in a state rage. This was very much my old behavior coming out. There was never anything in between. I was either ok with life or I was in raged by life.
The other individuals decided to walk away, probably because they thought I was crazy. As they did, I found myself standing there shaking with clenched fists not knowing what to do.
When I turned and looked at my wife, I could see in her eyes a fear I had never seen before. She was scared because she didn’t understand what just happened and how insanely intense, I became emotionally. She had never been around me during my days before I started into recovery. So, this was new to her.
As I stood there looking at her, I could feel the shame and the guilt flooding all through my body. I suddenly hated myself for what had just happened and I couldn’t figure out how things got so out of control. All I could think of was, “Where did all this come from? Why couldn’t I control myself?”
This was not supposed to be happening, not now, not ever again. I had spent years working on my painful memories from my past, and this is where it got me! This was not right.
Within days I found myself feeling extremely depressed while entertaining the idea of using something so I didn’t have to feel anything, just like in the old days. It felt like my addiction had been hiding in the shadows just waiting for something like this to happen.
Life suddenly felt overwhelming again and I just wanted to run back to my addiction so I didn’t have to feel my emotions. Like running back to an old friend for relief.
Instead, I made some calls and held on to my ass the best I could. I felt depressed and lost. I thought I was my greatest enemy because no matter how hard I tried the pain inside always knew how to pull me back into that hell of the past. All that work I had done and the pain never really had gone away, but instead it hid in the background just waiting for something to turn it loose again.
It was during this time while in a very depressed state I found a book on EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). It caught my attention because of how well it worked for individuals with PTSD. It also worked for people with different addictions and many other forms of trauma, stress, and anxieties.
I thought EFT looked strange at first. The idea that tapping on certain points on the body could release painful feelings seemed too good to be true. But, even with my doubts I decided to keep an open mind and was willing to try it. I had nothing to lose.
The science was there and the research supported its effectiveness.
So, I contacted a certified EFT Practitioner and started working on my painful memories. The amazing thing about this process was all the work we did was done online. I was able to do this work from my own home and this gave me a sense of security.
I started to feel empowered by the results I got from EFT, something I had never gotten from other methods. The emotional triggers around my past started to fade. I found myself not thinking about my painful memories the way I did before. I felt a new freedom that I had never felt before.
The best part of all this was, I wasn’t managing my addiction anymore; I was actually becoming free of it.
Finding my freedom with EFT was a surprise to me at first. How this technique could do what it did for me still amazes me. When I think of all the different things, I tried over the years with little to no change, and how I almost gave up on myself.
Today I’m no longer that person who for years fought a losing battle with himself. Now thanks to EFT, I feel like I’m a new person who has been given a second chance at living a life free of addictions.
Why Tell My Story
I tell my story so hopefully you will understand why I am so passionate about EFT and what I believe it can do for you. My hope for you is, that you will also find the power of this amazing technique, EFT/Tapping and free yourself.
As I write out my story, I can’t help but think about my cousin who just recently passed from her addiction. This was a person who outwardly appeared to be living a good life. The only problem was she had a secret that only her family knew about. She had an addiction to alcohol which finally took her life.
It hurts when I hear stories like this and to think what the family had to endure too. It doesn’t have to be like this. And, that is why I do what I do.
- So, you can have a life free from your addiction.
- So, you can heal the pain of the past that feeds into your addiction, instead of just constantly trying to managing it!
- So, you can have the feeling of empowerment in creating a life that you desire.
- Certified Clinical EFT Practitioner
- B.A. Degree in Education
- Learning Coach
- Addiction Recovery Mentor
- Leadership Programs
- Peer Advisor and tutor
Break The Emotional Bonds of Addiction
I understand how difficult it can be to get the help you need.
Download my free mini-course on how you can start your journey towards freedom from addiction.